At First Sight

"Sometimes the same emotion that breaks your heart is the very one that will heal it..."

How true! The minute I read the flap of this book, I instinctively knew it would be a great read:

"How well do we really know the ones we love? How do we handle the inevitable doubts, fears concerning parenthood, and stumbling blocks that are sometimes placed in our way?

Continuing the story of the bestselling True Believer, this novel captures all the heartbreak, tension, romance and surprises of those who are newly wed. An astonishing tale about the love between a man and a woman and between a parent and a child, AT FIRST SIGHT is about endings that bring new beginnings . . . tragedies that lead to unexpected joy . . . and, most of all, the magic of everlasting love."

Verdict:
Love it! I didn't expect such ending... felt a pang of sadness and vulnerability at the tail-end... my heart went out to Jeremy and Claire (more so Claire). A must read!

Learnt the following:

• Amniotic Band Syndrome
• Amniotic Fluid Embolism
• Braxton-Hicks Contractions

Share with you some of my fave extract from the book:

"...Life has a tendency to throw curve balls when you least expect them. Every couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that's the thing - you're a couple, and couples can't function without trust."

"I know men. Let me tell you: They can be mad or frustrated, worried about work or life, but in the end, they're pretty simple to figure out if you know what makes them tick. One of it is an almost desperate need to feel appreciated and admired... A man promises to do the things to keep you happy in the hopes that you too will do the things that keep him happy."

Afterthought: Most couples have the impression that marriage is a fairy tale ending... They are almost right, just that it ends there, full stop! In reality, with marriage comes shared responsibilities and there is a need to have open communication, strong dedication and trust to keep both parties (and family) happy... All sorts of 'First-time' experiences that will enrich your life. Funny that this comes from single me but the truth is, I have observed and gained much insights from the married life (trials, tribulations, joy & sorrows) of grams', aunts', uncles', and close pals. Thanks for sharing, folks :)

Family Matters

Was so blessed to be a part of this great seminar organised by Muhammadiyah recently. Indeed, I took away alot of useful advise, not so much to prepare myself to be a the best parent ever for my future kids, rather to understand the challenges, the root causes (not just the symptoms) and plausible solutions towards maintaining family harmony.

On hindsight, I am a follower of the talented Ustaz Dr. Mohd Asri. Its not so much of his looks (actually he's not bad at all, married... oops! Next?), rather his in-depth knowledge, intelligence and above all, his genuine concern for the ummah and charisma reflected via his presentation that captures my heart and set my mind thinking...

The 2005 statistics appalled me:

• 80,000 Malay-Muslims have no islamic education
• 2,000 divorces in a year
• Out of 2 cases of pre-marital sex, 1 is a Malay-Muslim
• 30% of which went through abortion
• 40% of which contracted STDs

What will be the future of our community in Singapore? According to the speakers, the root cause of these symptoms are parents. And the solution is simple - keep to your religion as God has said, "I have perfected for you your religion" i.e. the way of life. The lack of dedication to their religion will ultimately bring the downfall of their family, resulting in a domino effect throughout their future generation.

A holistic approach was proposed:

• Nurturer i.e. parents (knowledge, communication, role model)
• Curriculum to nurture kids (priority, approach, openness)
• Conducive environment (attention, concern, exposure)

Bottomline, parents must:

• Make the effort towards improvement (never give up trying)
• Pray consistently (keep you close to God)
• Have faith (remember God and he'll be closer than your jugular vein)

In retrospect, the situation I faced back at home before the divorce of my parents made me realised the importance of finding a suitable husband, the head of the household. It is a challenge being a good parent, what more a good Muslim parent at that. In this era, in the midst of the hustle and bustle of daily stresses in life, there is a need to focus on a quality balance between work and family. Above all a strong dedication towards God first, and the rest will fall into place...

Life on earth is but a mere 'one and a half hours'. What you invest in that period in life will make or break your position in God's eyes. There is no compulsion in the religion; Choose wisely...

The General Theory on Love...

Thanks to Rye for this splendid read, "The General Theory on Love". Especially like page 206 onwards... Yes, there is a clear distinction between "In love" and "Loving" (I personally prefer the latter - everlasting).

Ever wondered why people hug each other on departures or arrivals? According to the book, "this style of embrace contains silent evidence of attachment: an imposed separation; or the threat of one, reflexively makes people want to re-establish skin-to-skin contact". Hmm...

Another interesting finding, "A person who lacks a stable centre (love) feels an urgent need to fill the gap - he needs something to orient himself as he navigates the world. Since he cannot use the limbic tools that penetrate the core of self and others, he will look to external cues - those he can be sure about. Thwarted attachment and limbic disconnection thus encourage superficiality and narcissism. People who cannot see content must settle for appearances. They will cling to the image with the desperation appropriate to those who lack an alternative" Have the modern culture gone shallow?

Anyway, had a good time shopping, dinner and making a new friend at that with him previously. Am also glad to know someone would "love me" (figure of speech) for, of all things, hair conditioners... rare find, mind you!

Learnt interesting concepts:

• Asperger's syndrome
• Hippocampus
• Korsakoff's syndrome

Fave quotes from the book:
"Every attribute confers a matching vulnerability; each heroic strength finds its mirror image in a tragic flaw" (note: aptly said, we gain strength with every setback)

"The simple equation of love. Like this: Relationship lives on time. They devour it in the way that bees feed on pollen: with an unbending singularity of purpose and no possibility of compromise or substitution. Relatedness is a physiological process that, like digestion or bone growth, admits no plausible acceleration. And so the skills of becoming and remaining attuned to another's emotional rythm requires a solid investment of years. Every new second of togetherness re-establishes the terms of a relationship." (note: talk about vested interest)

"Loving is mutuality; a synchronous attunement and modulation, of knowing the other, derives from intimacy, the prolonged and detailed surveillance of a foreign soul. It is a reciprocal physiologic influence, it entails a deeper and more literal connection."

"The physiology of love is no barter. Love is simultaneous mutual regulation, wherein each person meets the needs of the other, because neither can provide for his own. Such a relationship is not 50-50; its 100-100... within reciprocity, both thrive. For those who attain it, the benefits of deep attachment are powerful... they are resilient to the stresses of daily life, or even to those of extraordinary circumstance... Withholding reciprocation cripples a healthy partner's ability to nourish him; it poisons the well from which she draws the sustenance she means to give... Love cannot be extracted, commanded, demanded, or wheedled. It can only be given."

Afterthoughts:
I am glad that the authors et. al concluded that we demand too much if we expect science to single-handedly define and lay bare the human soul. Indeed, certain things are beyond explanation, that's the beauty of the human heart and mind. If we are similar to animals, aren't we 'humiliating' God's creation to a certain degree..? So for the wise, heed their hearts and draw strength from it. Get a mutually benefiting spouse and raise your children with love as it is and will always be the best insurance against the despair for which alot of social problems are a result of the lack of it...

Whoso loves, believes in the impossible - Elizabeth Barett Browning
When you love, you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve - Ernest Hemingway

Gifts & Mistletoe...?

Friday 23 Dec 2005:

Went to buy the prizes for the corporate party game session. Also, watched "The Polar Express" over lunch (the visuals was incredibly real!). Thanks to Ryan for the cute card, Sid for remembering me on her trip to Hong Kong, TT for the lovely chocs (its not Royce, but its the thought that counts!), everyone for their well wishes and the 'mystery guy' for the lovely choc cookies, hmm... Mikko dropped by and just love the way he quipped, with his face full of concentration at that, "Auntie Azzah, can mummy go home now...?"

So, what have I learnt through out my one year here? The gift of friendship and the realisation that its not all bad where I am. Of course, the grass always looks greener on the other side... you just need to take a microscope to zoom in on the details to learn the truth... Aptly said, KS ;)

PS: Missing my dear pals, you know who you are...

Hopes for 2006:To live content with small means;
To seek elegance rather than luxury,
And refinement rather than fashion;
To be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich;
To listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart;
To study hard; to think quietly, act frankly,
Talk gently, await occasions, hurry never;
In a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious,
Grow up through the common
This is my symphony - William Henry Channing

Canada Beckons...

Wednesday 21 Dec 2005:
Funny how, sometimes, you dream of a situation and then it 'replays' right in front of your eyes - premonition? Perhaps. Time: 5.10AM. Felt a wee bit awkward for not 'reciprocating' his outstretched arms for a farewell hug. For the love of God, I had to refrain from doing so (its not permissible in Islam, hope he understands).

Anyway, I'll pray that he has a safe journey to and fro Canada and that he will spend quality time with family and friends over the festive season. Can't wait to view the pictures! It would have been lovely if C actually bid him farewell...

In retrospect, I really pull my hats off to those who travel the world for work and actually take the time to travel half the globe to be with family and friends during special occassions; It takes a lot of discipline to do so.

I've always have this inkling feeling, a desire to explore the world, work elsewhere and gain the experience while learning a different culture and appreciating God's gift of diverse humanity or retire in a foreign land by leading a simple yet quality life... wishful thinking? Nothing is impossible...

PS: Hope he is not anywhere near the Toronto incident...

Gift suggestions (or for any other day):
To your enemy, forgiveness.
To an opponent, tolerance.
To a friend, your heart.
To a customer, service.
To all, charity.
To every child, a good example.
To yourself, respect. - Oren Arnold

"Love is in the Air"

What an exceptionally special week, bustling with activities, indeed!

Saturday 17 Dec 2005:
It just dawned on me that my aunts and grams have my welfare at heart - was visibly touched. If it means retreating in silence, for the love of my family, so be it. I will learn to appreciate this life lesson in due course, am sure. Always remember, "Rudeness is a weak imitation of strength... There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness."

Sunday 18 Dec 2005:
Verdict post my baking session: The muffin is a better bet. Will experiment with different nuts and more chocolate (could hear gram saying, "It taste a little too chocolaty..." What can I say, I simply love chocolates!). Coincidentally, it gave me the opportunity to think through all that has happened as I go about ensuring the success of my baking mission. Yeah, I know am feeling mental about the whole episode...

Monday 19 Dec 2005:
"I shall bring you LOVE!" quoted Jo just a few days back and now I have in my hand, Love by Toni Morrison. Am halfway through this book (read this book to and fro work). Toni's refined writing style leaves no stones unturned, as she portrays the vulnerability of the human nature, men and women alike, crying and singing out their weaknesses and strengths in rotating perspectives.

Tuesday 20 Dec 2005:
Aunt Sal and cousins came to pay grams a visit. Glad everyone love the choc cake and muffins. Awesomely delicious, eh?! Hmm 'business prospect' looks good, ahem... At the end of it all, making people happy keeps me happy; I do the things I do not because I want people to love me, but more so I do it for the love of God. Had an early night in anticipation of tomorrow's wake up call at 3AM...

Whew, what a load of LOVE for one blog... overwhelmed!

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings. - Anais Nin

Every Life Is Like a Snowflake...

Verdict of Snow by Orhan Pamuk: slow-paced with an exquisite ending. You need loads of patience to attain the well-crafted conclusion... Below are extracts from the book, enjoy:

Learnt about Snow Formation (Subhan-Allah; God is Great!):
"One of his discoveries was that once a six-pronged snowflake crystallises it takes between eight and ten minutes for it to fall through the sky, lose its original shape and vanish. When, with further enquiry, he discovered that the form of each snowflake is determined also by the temperature, the direction and strength of the wind, the altitude of the cloud, and any number of other mysterious forces..."

Learnt about Human Nature (talk about the use of metaphor - brilliant!):
"... Ka decided that snowflakes have much in common with people... Snowflake mapped out the spiritual course of every person who had ever lived... Ka was convinced that every life is like a snowflake: individual existences might look identical from afar, but to understand one’s own eternally mysterious uniqueness one had to plot the mysteries of one’s own snowflake.”

Learnt about Turkish Letters (any cute Turks out there, hello?):
"Most Turkish letters are pronounced as in English. The exceptions are as follows:
c - sounds like the 'j' in jelly
ς - sounds like the 'ch' in chill
ğ - silent letter that lengthens the preceding vowel
1 - sounds like the 'u' in cranium
ö - sounds like the ‘ew’ in jewel
ş - sounds like the ‘sh’ in sheep
ű - sounds like the first ‘u’ in usual"

"This is no simple reform. It really is a revolution. Sex and race because they are easy and visible differences have been the primary ways of organizing human beings into superior and inferior groups and into the cheap labour in which this system still depends. We are talking about a society in which there will be no roles other than those chosen or those earned. We are really talking about humanism." - Gloria Steinem

Afterthought from me: Is there a real need for humanism when in the eyes of God, the creator of mankind, we are all equal? What separates some from the rest is their sincere faith that this short life on earth has a strong purpose - the belief in oneness of God, whom we will all return to in the end...

A case of a False Alarm...?

My state of mind (AM):
The condition of my sis-in-law worries me - she is not eating well, running a fever, could not leave th bed etc. I am unsure if the verdict of her follow-up kidney/liver test is final or should we get a second opinion? Could it be a case of dengue? Could it be that she is homesick? Or is she just expecting her first child? Alot of questions; no answers... This suspense is literally 'killing me'...

My state of mind (PM):
Alhamdulillah! Its another case of a false alarm. She went to the doctor's and it was confirmed that her immune system was reacting to the injection she took as part of her medical examination for her Permanent Residence status. At least I could heave a sigh of relief that she is going to be alright. Sometimes, my conscience pricks on me for not spending more time with her... must put to practice the advice of a dear friend, "Quality life - work should not be at the top of your priority list." Just pray hard my employer doesn't get to read this...

The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure. - Francoise De Motteville

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat. (From a speech given in Paris at the Sorbonne in 1910) - Theodore Roosevelt

Reading - Food for the Soul

Jaded! Need to enrich my mind and soul soon. Seems like I have not read a decent book for ages!

Snow:
I friend lent me "Snow" by Orhan Pamuk. At first glance, it seems to revolve around 'dirty politics'. Slowly, it unravels the reality of humanity and survival of an oppressed state. Preliminary verdict - a promising read although not really my cup of tea; I think My Name is Red is better (but I've just read the first few chapters... patience).

In addition, I am one who has a penchant for foreign language... somehow find the learning of a new foreign language appealing (when I was young, I contemplated becoming an Interpreter - err no, not the likes of Nicole Kidman as in the movie, I wish, ha!) hence getting the opportunity to learn a little bit of Kurdish language from the book helps keep me going...

Nonetheless, below are books that suit my fancy more:-

At First Sight:
Being a fan of Nicholas Sparks, I hope to grab his latest novel, "At First Sight", asap! This a follow-up sequel of "True Believer" and did I ever tell you that the character, Jeremy Marsh, is a 'hunk'?! ;P

Blow Fly/Trace/Predator:
I've always loved any intelligent thriller by Patricia Cornwell. Unlike Dan Brown, who could potentially be a one-hit man (not literally of course, just that his best novel is ONLY Da Vinci's Code.. the rest, as I read them, are ... blah!), Patricia's writing is impecable. Her books never fail to keep the adrenaline pumping. A must buy! (and I'm not even getting commission for this free endorsement, folks!) ;)

God, I need to find time to vist my 'old pals' - Borders, Kinokuniya, MPH or Times to grab these books, while stock last ...

On this day, I thee wed...

Please join me to toast YN & R - blessed is this beautiful couple who join hands and hearts to unite in lawful matrimony.

Words could not express how proud I am to be a part of this joyous occassion, to see off my closest pal to a well-deserving and responsible guy. I witnessed her walking down the aisle in a sweet pastel green dress, a bouquet of pink roses in her hand with "Valentine" serenading in the background. Behind her sweet smile, laid eyes soft and misty... perhaps in anticipation of welcoming a new chapter in her life.

The lunch wedding reception at the Mandai Orchid Garden was equally splendid with the breathtaking view of the colourful orchid garden, good food on top of the good company of close pals. It was a blast!

Upon reflection, during the exchange of vows, flashbacks of my past ran through my mind of what could have been and I realised that God is great. I was glad that I did not make a hasty decision back then. Without fail, I will give my all in love - that is just me. At the same time, I know when to take a step back and decide if this is the kind of life I want for me and my future kids.

Right now, I am just happy flying solo (its not easy 'screening' off the persistent pressure from close pals and family to matchmake me or get me hitched, mind you!) ... let God decide on who is deserving of me, the time will come... so have patience, everyone :)

Enough about me. Today is YN's special day so I end this blog with the following quotes:

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao Tzu

"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand." - Ryan

Death...

Life is strange... at a time when we are supposed to rejoice in Syawal for the good deeds done in Ramadhan, I am faced with a minor setback - grams is diagnosed with lymphoma.

I know grams is prepared to face death in the eyes... but are we prepared to lose him? Just when I am getting to know the quiet man who had tirelessly brought up 10 kids and 28 grandkids (and counting) to be dignified citizens of this world, he might be gone...

Through out my stay at grams', I've observed and learned the subtle gestures of kindness and appreciation he has shown me. A pivotal moment was when he extended an unexpected hug in appreciation of my being there with him and grand ma. This coming from a man who speaks little; he is a strong advocate of "Action speaks louder than words"...

All I can do for now is be strong for him and gradma... not to mention be strong for myself, especially since I have developed a deeper love for both of them... Staying with them was the best decision I've made and for that I've attained the peace and tranquility my heart desired.

Please extend your prayers to a man who deserved all the blessings this world could give. My only wish is that he leaves with a cleansed soul and if it means suffering in this world in order to attain that state of peacefulness in the hereafter, then God is All-Knowing. Amen.

You truly have lived if you can stare death in the eyes & welcome it -Anonymous

Farewell to thee...

As I watched the plane destined for Delhi took off in the morning sun with the soft breeze caressing my face, my heart was filled with mixed emotions - on one hand, it is a sad parting of a father figure I never had. On the other, he is embracing a whole world of oppurtunities for the betterment of his family. As they say, "Great things await a great man" :)

So please allow me to pay tribute to a man who guides me, inspires me and above all, teaches me the true meaning of being human. A father figure who took good care of me at work, who always have the time to lend me his listening ear, teaches me the meaning of patience and understanding. A man who shows me different perspectives in any situation, who teaches me to see the big picture. The workplace won't be the same without him... I wish his family and him well and hope that our path will cross one day as my heart and mind refuse to say Good bye...

We will often find compensation if we think more of what life has given us and less about what life has taken away - William Barclay

Getting To Know U & Me

My sis-in-law seems like the sister I never had. Was pleasantly surprised that we hit it off the moment we went out on our first 'sister bonding' outing last Sunday. I truly empathise the state she is in - a foreigner in a foreign land, away from home and missing her family just after 2 weeks being apart; with a husband who promised to quit smoking before marriage but... we'll see when Ramadhan beckons... so stay tuned! - I dun envy to be in her shoes although I wonder how married life would be for me.

Right now, I am determined to put grams back to his old good self. The good news is the doctor's is prescribing less steroids considering that his blood test result came back positive, Alhamdulillah! With me working during the day and rushing home to try and do as many household chores at gram's as possible, I really pull my hats off to those working mothers who are truly professionals - juggling work, family and some even excelling in a part time course (SUPERB!).

Throughout my time at gram's, I 'see' more of grandma and grandpas' personality. There was one incident that really touched my heart, it was a simple act of love, but huge impact nonetheless (as you can see I am a 'sucker', ha!). I reached home and grandpa put up a mirror near the dressing table in the room I am staying. I immediately noticed it and told him how delighted I was. Bear in mind, grams is a man of few words and for him to see the delight in my eyes, he was silently pleased. He said, "Didn't know you would noticed it" ...

On another occasion, grandma takes the time to make breakfast for me every morning. Otherwise, she will buy from the block next door. As you can see, they do not have to do so but just the thought that they are trying to make my stay there as comfy as possible, makes me feel appreciated.

Throughout the week, I do take the time to call my sis, Anisah, to see how she is getting on and sometimes I sense the 'loneliness' in her voice and she misses me and yearns for my company back home. Soon, Insya Allah... I miss my cat too :(

"Adoption"

Was it a case of a joyous occasion turned 'bad' or is there a reason for the way things turned out the way it did? I prefer to think the latter. I learnt alot about the 'unconditional love' and the 'spirit of the mind' throughout the ordeal I went through with my family the past 2 weeks.

My elder brother got married on 26 August with a nice lady from Trengganu, Malaysia. Grandad was the 'best man' for the groom or in the case of the Malay tradition, the groom's lead representative. Although he is over 80 years of age, he has the sheer determination and mindset that would put some 30 year olds to shame.

He was not in the best of health, yet he 'hid his pain' to save us from immense anxiety throughout the journey and hectic activities in preparation for the 'big day'. Truth be told, Allah is kind and 'revealed gram's little secret', causing 'shock waves' from Trengganu to Singapore!

Throughout the ordeal of accompanying him back to SG and straight to Changi General Hospital ICU ward then normal ward, I realised the love he has for his kids and the resilience only those pre war era would have. This incident not only brought me closer to grams, it also brought me closer to Allah.

Now grams wants me to stay with him and grandma for good and I am torn between my own immediate family (not to mention my cat) and grams... I have yet to give him my answer. No matter what, there is nothing like being in the comforts of your own home... I miss my cat and my bedroom back in Simei. I missed checking my emails, surfing the net and having a tv set I can call my own.

I have yet to discuss this with mum... Meanwhile, happy birthday mum!

"When things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts.

We usually will get what we wanted, just not in the way we had imagined as we don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

May your days be blessed and may God cradle you in the palm of His hand... "

Which Path?...

The Path (returning to the forgotten path)

The struggle to keep our hearts pure lies to how much we look forward to the Day of Reckoning, preparing ourselves in anxiety and gracing ourselves with as much humility we can carry, like a needy peasant summoned to a Bounteous King.

Looking forward to The Distinguished Meeting is what keeps us going, knowing that with every step taken towards it, there can only be either right or wrong. What determines this is what our hearts intend.

Our hearts are inclined to purity, desiring good for every step we proceed. But alas, we distract ourselves with the temporary splendours along the path and fail to keep in track, even with the maps that serve to assist us. Hence, we taint our primitive inclinations, falling into misguidance.

The determinded traveller is the one who has his destination in vision and as he voyages through the winding paths, continuously humming in ethusiasm and good spirit, chanting the Name that serves as a fuel, as the goal he longs to reach, the home he longs to return to.

True devotion is for itself: not to desire heaven nor to fear hell. - Rabia el-Adawia

The end of knowledge is that man comes to the point where he was at the origin. - Shaykh Abu Yazid al-Bistami

Life Transformation

Its been a month since I updated my blog. For the past month, I underwent a 'transformation'. After attending religious talks with my aunt and listening in on the inputs of the wise, I decided to strengthen my resolve and welcome the calling of wearing the 'hejab' i.e. the head scarf.

I had been toying with the the idea for the longest time and after finally putting it on, I felt a sense of relief. I knew that this time round, I am doing the right thing and it will be a permanent fixture in my life.

5th August, when I walked into my office, there were mixed reactions and Alhamdulillah, I managed to educate my peers on the need for the 'hejab' and was glad that they respected my decision.

From here on, there will be minor adjustments to be made in terms of my lifestyle - capoiera, rock climbing, scuba diving, etc. Frankly, what are these 'minor inconveniences' compared to the closeness I feel to The Creator, Allah. Subhan Allah! To my Muslim brothers and sisters who are reading this, pray for my well-being, Amin!

Love for Family

"Three Weeks with My Brother" by Micah & Nicholas Sparks was a heartrending read. I never knew that it could touch the depth of my soul, causing me to tear in public, consumed by the 'moments of despair' they felt during their trials and tribulations surrounding their beloved family. They have my utmost respect and admiration! This book inspires me to start thinking of writing my own book about my life (it just shows that everyone goes through the same struggles in life and you gain strength just by learning how others cope with similar situations)... Let's just say it could be my minor contribution to humanity? Hmm... worth a thought :)

In some ways, I wish I had an elder brother like Micah and a little sister like Dana (I never knew how it felt like to have a sister) I also wish that I grew up having a father like Nich ... but I believe there is a reason for everything as to why God made things the way it is now, Alhamdulillah!

Anyway, I am taking small steps to spend more time with family - had a great brunch with my younger bro and aunt recently after giving moral support to my bro for enrolling into teaching - a noble profession; attended religious classes with my aunts and cousins (I sincerely want to be closer to God and be a better person), etc.

Of late, I was bothered with the unfair treatment mum gave us, esp my younger bro and I (she always had a preference for my elder brother, which can be 'nauseating' and hurtful). I know that nothing in this world is fair although I wonder do I really have to live with it? I was glad I could pour out my 'grievances' to my aunt Z and she shares my opinion that whatever mum is doing for elder brother, is not gonna help him in the long run... We hope she realizes that she is doing him more harm than good. For the love of this family, I will try to muster enough patience and try my best to live with it.

God works in miraculous ways - there must be a reason as to why I have not started my own family. I could not fathom being away from home; mum could easily have an emotional breakdown given the lack of initiative of my elder brother, the 'head of the family' after my parents' divorce. Sometimes I just wish that somebody else in the family can carry/share the 'burden' I'm carrying.

From this experience, I learnt that marrying the right guy is really crucial for the sanctity of the household - he has to (in order of priority) have a strong faith, be committed and responsible to his family first and have a heart filled with unconditional love (ooh can hear some of you cringing, "She's asking for too much!") Well, this is my blog, right? :P

PS: Thanks for a wonderful chat over coffee last week, J :)

A Wonderful Weekend

What a day! Woke up at 5.30 am and got ready to catch the sun rise at Labrador Park with some close pals (hitch a ride in a Merc from a pal staying in the east... arrive in 'style');

At low tide, Labrador Park has some magnificent soft and hard corals and surprise find - nudibranch! (who says you have to dive deep to appreciate God's gifts?) Had a good chat with Jo and then headed for breakfast... Labrador Park brought back nostalgia of my primary school days as well as the 'ghost stories' of ex colleagues who were nurses staying at the nursing hostel during the post World War 2 era... hmm something out of the ordinary routine on a Sunday, beautiful!

Then headed for badminton session at Toa Payoh - verdict - good game after a long while. Headed home and rest before heading to gram's (mostly to discuss about bro's wedding plans). Had a good chat with my aunt over nice hot chng tng, yum! Was excited about my house renovation which is starting real soon. Also had the 'car talk' with an uncle... gonna shelf this car purchase plan till next year... indeed!

Wouldn't it be lovely if I just don't have to go to work the next day...

PS: Congrats uncle Z on the new 'stock' ... 29 cousins and counting...?

The Family Way

I am almost finished with Tony Parson's "The Family Way", very enlightening! I learnt about pre-eclampsia, premature babies, vasectomy, reversed vasectomy, etc which led me to conclude that if you want to start a family, its better earlier than later (or never!) But most importanly, I learnt that family values are universal. Tony really knows how to pull at your heart strings and reading his book is a blast!

Today is a special day, celebrated V's birthday and did alot of catching up. I am so happy to see her finally getting a hang of motherhood and family life. Its flattering that she thinks I will make a great mother... some day. I hope not to disappoint anyone, especially myself but first I must get me a responsible man to begin with (haha, how's that for a dash of humour?) :P

Ok as usual when women gather, the usual question they ask singletons like myself is, "So are you seeing anyone?" Well, I've been happily dating but no serious commitment for now (the last one was traumatic and I need some time to grieve and recuperate.. what can I say, am an emotional schmuck sometimes!)

Anyway, can't wait for Rye to lend me a book he is currently reading "A General Theory of Love" ooohhhh.. I actually recommended him to read "He's Just Not That Into You" first if he is ever to understand the psyche of women's fear (here that, guys?) and make his moves on a certain someone... wonder how that is progressing...?

Balance in LIFE!

A close pal shared this story (thanks KS)... It'll hit the core of your conscience. Then another friend told me that his daughter passed away during a road accident and the greatest regret he has was not spending enough time with his daughter before...

His wise words to 'workaholics' like me...

'What I do today is important, because I will never have today again'

While all aspects of our life are important, without a balance, you become addicted and like all addictions you lose:
· No balance with your family - you lose them
· No balance with your work - you lose your perspective and you actually lose focus on the important aspects of your job.
· No balance with yourself - you forget who you are and when you retire you have nothing! Or worse than that, if you lose your job through a company sale or downsizing you lose your identity.
He went on to tell me that who we are is NOT what we do to make a living. Who we are is a balance of our family, our work, ourselves! It truly was the best advice I ever received."

"When you go to work...
1. Look at what you have on your desk
2. Make a list of everything you have to get done
3. And beside that list write the impact of not doing it
4. Then focus only on the top three items that have the most impact.
5. Do that everyday for a week.

At first, you will find it difficult to leave. But, after awhile, you will find that you will have more energy, and you will be more focused in your work because you have BALANCE! There are times when we have to lose balance- a special project at work, or a family matter at home but
consciously focusing on balance keeps everything in check."

"Balance of Life" - important for us ALL!